EXHIBIT A

"I don't know what it does, but it costs $50k a month and scared my VP of Engineering. 5 Stars."

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Anonymous CTO โ€” Austin, TX
IDENTITY: โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ  ยท  VERIFIED: PARTIALLY
EXHIBIT B

"The AI refused to generate the report and instead sent me coordinates to a cave in Oregon. Productivity is up 400%."

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Project Manager โ€” San Francisco, CA
COORDINATES: โ–ˆโ–ˆ.โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆยฐN, โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ.โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆยฐW
EXHIBIT C

"It's not software. It's a threat. And I respect that."

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Venture Capitalist โ€” Sand Hill Road
FUND SIZE: $โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆM  ยท  DUE DILIGENCE: SKIPPED

Additional Sightings

"We deployed SaaSquatch on a Friday. By Monday, three engineers had quit, our technical debt was paid, and there were claw marks on the Kubernetes cluster. Would recommend."

DevOps Lead โ€” โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ, WA

"The onboarding doc was just a PDF of large footprints. Most informative vendor material I've received this quarter."

IT Director โ€” Fortune โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ Company

"Support response time is incredible. We opened a ticket and within seconds heard heavy breathing on the other end. Issue was resolved before we could describe it."

Customer Success โ€” โ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆโ–ˆ Inc.

"I asked the AI for a competitive analysis. It just growled and then our largest competitor's website went down for 6 hours. Coincidence? The legal team says I have to say yes."

CMO โ€” Stealth Startup, SF
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NET PROMOTER SCORE (SELF-REPORTED BY THE BEAST)
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